New York I love you but you are bringing me down

I'm still so very scare of me.
Help?

truth

Me siento cada vez más cerca de contarlo, de preguntar, pero no sé qué sentir.

Why would you say that!
I hate myself and I needed no help to it.

almost lover.

u_u

senaka ni aru itami ga taihen da na!

背中にある痛みが大変だな！

せなかにあるいたみがたいへんだな！

I feel tired.

very tired.

everybody's fool

I'm a monsters.

And that's all I'll ever be.

You make me feel so pretty, I love you baby. Some ppl might not get it but since when was this a show for ppl to rate. Don't care, I just want to be with u. Hug u, kiss you, feel you. Always.

♥

ginger (07:55 p.m.):
*miss you lots baby
*i love you c:
*cant wait til sunday so we can talk
*hope you have fun and stay safe and all mine til then <3

thank you baby,

thanks for making me feel this way.

*no more sweets. Seriously.

*very few meals.


*no Coke, just ocassionaly. -already doing that-


*chew gum if necessary.


*start gym.


*maybe swimming lessons.


*taiko ur a off.


*walk/run/exercice at the park.

*NO eating.

I love you

ginger (08:09 p.m.):
*awwh youre not here ';-;
ginger (08:11 p.m.):
*well ill br back at about half 6 tomorrow and the next day so i guess i wont talk to my baby til wednesday, but dont worry ill stay in all day wednesday just for you, cause i love you more than anything in the world ever, cause youre gorgeous and cute and funny and beautiful and sexy and all mine c:

te extraño mucho

mi tata hermoso

>_<

come here.

N O W

Cloud

Sometimes we are left wondering what could have been of those two persons if they could have been one, as they wished.

One step away.

One day too late.

And yet you were the one that never hurt me.

:)

Thanks.

Hola, cómo estás?

Cómo pudiste caminar erguido?, llevarme con los ojos vendados a la salida? Sabías que lo había visto, que lo sentia, pero igual seguiste caminando. Me quedé al lado tuyo para probarte, y para probarme. Quise confiar en lo que todos me decían que yo nunca hacía. Y me quedé ahi, allá, me quedé esperando, sabiendo que no ibas a volver, pero queriendo que lo hicieras. Quería estar equivocada con cada fibra de mi cuerpo. Miraba ese plato lleno y la mesa vacía y esperaba en vano, esperanzada como una criatura, que de repente entraras por la puerta y me hicieras sonreir. Miraba el techo y pensaba en las montañas, los anhelos que nunca iban a ser y que me llevaron tan lejos para confirmarlo. Nunca me besaste. Nunca me besaste como dijiste que querías. Sentí el espacio vacío en el medio del pecho y en el interior de los brazos, la ausencia, el vacío, de ese abrazo que nunca llegó. Me escapé de mi mente debajo de la tormenta, sentí verguenza, tirada, vacía, sentada en esa cama extraña sabiendo que nadie me quería. Sentí que te perdía antes de siquiera dejar de verte. Pero no quería verlo. Recordé los viejos momentos juntos, tus manos sosteniendo las mías, tus caricias tan primeras, el miedo que me dabas, y las sonrisas. Recuerdo vividamente la estúpida alegría de creer que te hacía bien. Recuerdo cuando te dejaba mi saco de huesos tirado en la cama, divagando perdido ante tu sonrisa paciente, todavía percibo tus caricias en mis huesos. Yo confié en vos. Confié en vos. Quién iba a saber que todo era mentira. Por qué ibas a querer romper algo que ya estaba desarmado. Me miro y sé que probablemente no era lo que querías, así como me miro, y sé que no hiciste nda por enmendarlo. Corriste de mi. Y corrés de vos. Casi como si quisieras que nunca hubiese pasado. Sabiendo que eso nunca va a ser así. Cómo está tu vida? Estás enojado? Por qué no me contestás? Miles de preguntas a algo que nunca voy a poder ver completo. Mis manos perdieron tus manos y no tuve dónde ir. Qué hiciste con las fotos? Qué hiciste con los recuerdos? Cómo hacés para seguir? Recuerdo todo, cada lugar, y cada secreto. No cabe espacio en mi mente para poder borrar lo que viví. Por qué te signifiqué tan poco. Acaso me extrañas de momentos? Es eso lo que duele, saber que no te valí nda. Saber que tomaste retazos de mi para dejarlos caer. Retazos recogidos uno a uno del frío del piso dónde estaban, todo para volver a caer y volver a magullar. Me miro, te miro, y yo sí se lo que perdí. Que loco es decir, saber después de todo el sentir... que te extraño, te extraño más de lo que podés llegar a esperar. Te extraño en mis palabras, te extraño en la ausencia de tu cariño, extraño los hilos de tu sweater y hasta tu particular tono de voz. Te extraño y se que vos no.

tease

I like you.

I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
(The punishment sometimes don't seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
(So you tell me how it's gonna be this time)

Is it over
Is it over
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven year drought
I got dust for tears
And I'm all tapped out
(Sometimes I feel broke and can't get fixed)

I know there's been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on but you're still in my head
(And something tells me this time I'm down to my last licks)
'Cause if it's over
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah,
'Cause there's a hole in my soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn
Without a rose

Is it over
Yeah it's over
And I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah,
'Cause there's a hole in my soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn
Without a rose

Para Vestir Santos

Cúanto más duro el golpe más nos entumece y más tarda en llegar el dolor... esa era la frase que anoche cerrada mi día y me dejaba acostada pensando mil cosas, sabiendo que esta serie iba a ser de esas que me hacen reflexionar más que mucho. Contenta porque siempre que pasa eso, yo soy de las que reflexiona y se analiza en serio con las cosas que ve en la tele o pelis. No por fanatismo, sería estúpido creer que las cosas son así, pero a veces, salvando distancias, uno puede sentirse más cercano o tal o cual personaje, y se exorciza por ahí. Sacarse los monstruos es imposibles, contemplarlos lo suficiente como para ya no temerles es la verdadera idea.

xxx

Roma

epifania

Ya con las revoluciones más calmadas puedo ahora tranquila analizar la situación, sabía de ante mano eso de que uno no aprecia lo que tiene hasta que lo pierde pero no me había pasado tan asi hasta hoy. No es cercana, pero es de mi círculo, alguien que aprecio. Alguien que hace rato que no veo, a veces por elección, por no ir a una reunión. Hoy crei que no lo iba a poder ver más y lloré. Lloré pensando en la dulzura de su sonrisa y las palabras lindas que supo tener conmigo. Pensando en nuestras salidas, de ese grupo de gente loca, osada, gente que dejé de ver porque la vida sigue y a veces perdés el hilo. Me di cuenta que no serás mi gran amiga Gabi pero me importás. Casi rompo todo de pensarlo, inmediatamente no sabía si llorar, si correr, si gritar, si hacerme un hobillo y dormir, e hice todas, todas a la vez. Hasta que me fijé, corrí al encuentro de la verdad, sabiendo que capáz no veía lo que quería. Y ahi estabas, fuerte, decidida como siempre. Me tomó minutos, largos minutos, hasta que me lo entendí. Hasta que lo capté. Entonces en ese momento lei las noticias de nuevo, enojada con el mundo por el mal trago, vi el video, mi todo y más de lo que quería ver, pero segura de que a vos te podía ver de nuevo.

Hoy tuve la verdadera epifania de la importancia del ser querido, apreciado. No podía realmente verlo antes, crei que sí, pero no era asi.

Ahora solo pienso en vos, trato de no llorar, porque la congoja sigue. Te aprecio Gabi y mucho, admito que me cuelgo y que a veces parece que me importa un carajo, pero los temblores de hoy me dicen que la verdad no veo la hora de verte. Espero que estes bien. Que sepas, como te dejé escrito ahi brevemente, que contás conmigo, para hablar, reirnos, cantar, mirar la pared, lo que sea. Me hiciste pegar flor de susto, pero nunca estuve más contenta de saber que estabas bien y que te voy a ver en la próxima reunión put.

:')

rar

xxx

Rom.

I hate it when plans

get soooo complicated... really?

then just don't plan any

._.

Ingresos Burdos

Resulta que ultimamente estuve forzada a concentrarme en pensamientos adultos del uso o abuso de dinero, forzada porque literalmente fue algo que se me sentó en la cara cuando vi a mi amigo bajoneado porque no le rinde los nros, y ojo a mi tmp, pero es distinto, mi papá aún me tiene de bebe y mis posibilidades son otras.

Entonces, volviendo al tema, resulta que nos pusimos a charlar, con mis amigos y con mucha gente, por todos por separado -se ve que era el tema de la semana o algo- y de repente se me plantó de frente el hecho que realmente aunque me encanta dar y pagar y tdo, no estoy cómoda con que me paguen las cosas. Odio la idea de ser un burden. Poner al otro en la postura de que soy la reina de Francia. No se. Nah nah, a mi dejame tranquila, me siento en el suelo, vos jugá a los videos que te hago masajes, y si tenemos hambre, cocino.

He dicho.

xxx

Rom.

understanding

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"God, please don't hate me"
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."

u_u

I got issues

I guess I should be able to be a regular girl, rather shy, rather silly or inocent but just regular at the least. But coming to turns with truth, right in front of me I see: I can't.
The truth is I been fighting monsters for so long that I've never learnt anything else other than that. Fight. Hide. Just be there.
I wish I could show you what Im really thinking, no shades, no buts, no nothing, BUT I just fail so hard that I find myself laying in bed trying not to think that I'm a complete mess and also failing there too.
I need to be honest with myself. And I need to be honest with you. And so, the truth be told: I'm really just trying to say I'm sorry; I'm sorry I'm so socially inadecuate, I'm sorry I'm awkard and cold as ice when I'm really not trying to be it.
The other day I heard myself talking, or explaing rather, us, and I realize that I'm my hopes to act cool and relax, all I ever do is make people think or feel I'm not even partially involve in any of what's happening. I heard myself saying "... we are just nothing" and I couldn't help but hurt at my own sound. It didn't come out right. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I DO care about this. Prolly nobody can't tell how much. It's my fault. I don't let anyone in and you are just there right at the doorstep and I'm just mumbling the words, trying to make sense to let you know I want you there. And I fail.
I remember not too long ago, havig this momentum, this epiphany, when realizing that I was now able to see and recognize my mistakes, take a step aside and try to learn from my actions and inactions. I'm now then fully capable of seeing what I'm doing and it is just frustrating to see myself shaking so hard before I'm even able to touch your arm. All of what happened hunts me back and I keep runing away because as strong as I am, I've growned scare of what might come.
I see it: I'm so deeply scare of all of these I just don't know how to act. How to be normal that is.
I'm finally out of confort zone, I now have to put myself out there. I don't have any excuse, there's no reason why. You seem to like me, you seem to actually want to see me, it seems you really are with me, and so I guess I should be with you too. The thing is: I never had to before.
I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm not saying it is not my fault, but it never worked before: they lied, they liked someone else, they didn't dare, they just wanted to use me; and so I never had to answer back before. And I've never realize how easy that was till now. Now when I see what a complete rag I am.
I need to make up for the damages, I need to stand in front of you in hopes you won't be a wolf. Another wolf. I need to trust you and mainly I need to trust me.
I care about you, I think you are lovely, I love spending my time with you, I enjoy making up excuses to touch you, I love it when I get to kiss you, I'd also like to just live in that moment.
I'm so sorry.

x

the nicest thing

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

I'll try.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

it seems all my fantasies are coming to live, almost like living in kawaii land and seeing my dog turn baby blue and get a mate that's baby pink, I find it hard to buy, what's going on? While the thunder roared I was just there in your arms, on ur back, testing ur lips once more, telling sweet things, things my ears have never heard before but just dreamed about. I feel like and alien trying to figure what's going on, just cos' it never happened, it was never like that, just cos' I understand that I feel fine when "there we are". And I just don't get it. You kissed me in the rain and you held me tight agains your body, and I never let myself go but there I am. I can smell ur perfume, recognize it among my clothes, and I can still feel u while I'm already gone. No strings attached, really, no strings. No holding back.

So what's up ppl? Me?Just here, totally... wow... like flowers and rainbows but no rain, just suddenly pushing me there and me just standing like a statue, I should prolly try to keep it together but I want to run away as far as Neverland, and I don't me MJ's home, I'm talking about the real deal. I would love it there, I guess It would be real cool to have actual painted flowers and glitter just hanging there, not too much glitter though, if not for Praid Parade we would not know whot to use.

So yeah. I'm happy. Happysaurus. Hope it lasts.

xxx

Rom.

i hate

P O S E R S

I'm happy.

YAY

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa) Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried. I tried to read between the lines, I tried to look in your eyes, I want a simple explanation for what I'm feeling inside, I gotta find a way out. Maybe there's a way out .
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I said: Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't wanna ever love another. You'll always be my thunder so bring on the rain and bring on the thunder .
Today is a winding road, Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa). Today I'm on my own, I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone, I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know). And now I'm itching for the tall grass, and longing for the breeze, I need to step outside, Just to see if I can breathe, I gotta find a way out. Maybe theres a way out.
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I said: Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't wanna ever love another. You'll always be my thunder so bring on the rain.
Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope, I'm wrapped up in vines, I think we'll make it out, but you just gotta give me time, Strike me down with lightning, Let me feel you in my veins, I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain.
Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go Whoa.
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I said: Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't wanna ever love another. You'll always be my thunder.
And I said: Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder so bring on the rain, Oh baby bring on the pain and listen to the thunder.

Damian Pablo Copello

you'll always be my bloody thunder♥

Why

I choosed to leave her behind but she was always beside me, above me, on me, and now I'm sometimes so light, without her weight that I still cannot feel balance, like a drifting bag flying in the air. Just floating. I left her. I abandoned the ship. But much like a ghost ship, it still haunts back. I now what I left, I know what I am without. But that is the good and the bad, and the bad hurt so much I just couldn't do it anymore. Remember when u hurt urself? That's what it was starting to be like, a fix for a fix. I needed to rehab. And so I try to walk away, trying not to look back as past is a good place to visit but not a good place to live in.

And I wish I could tell you so much, and yet, I would expect you to burn it. u_u.

Sabishigaru.

I'm really tired so I'm about to go to bed but I needed to come here and shout as loud as I can in written because I think it might happened I don't know. I'm so scared that I try to tell myself out of it all the time, but let's be honest: my heart is definitely skipping a bit and we know who's fault it is.

Nite nite.

Roma

FAT WORTH NOTHING

When I was young my parents laughed at me cos' I was too skinny they call me names and they found it funny, I cried everytime and got mad but they thought it was cute. Nobody tells you that they are playing games, they laugh but u don't see the semantics in it. So I started eating more, more than necessary and at the same time my alergies came along and I was given stupid drugs that kept me from losing my breath till actually killing me. It was necessary, I get it. But I hate myself so much. I'm now over 25kg over my weight and I hate everything about me. I'm a fashion freak and it's so hard not to fit, not to be able to wear sth u love. I wonder how we got to this. I remember losing weight before but I'm not getting any younger and it gets harder. My parents don't really support me. They don't even know how fucked up I am. I'll do anything to lose weight. And I mean anything. Now mom is home all the time and I cannot really skip meals or play full w/pills or sleep my hanger away. But I know I'll do it. And gosh I don't know why I'm typing this in here, guess I need a sort of... I told u so statement, in case I ever slipped and nobody understands whot happened. So, this is whot happened: I hate myself. I've hate myself for ever. Because ppl laughed at me, that boy and that girl, because of the pointing because of the making me believe that as I was a brunnette I was never gonna be enough. Well, this is what happens when you bully someone. I've been broken for so long I really have little hopes of overcoming anything at the fuck all. I only have now moments of enlightment when I realize that I'm stupid for thinking this, but can't help it.

Sorry.

from this Bunny thinking of Him u_u

“… Despite the danger and hopelessness of it all, despite all that, I was in paradise; a paradise whose skies were the colour of hell-flames, but a paradise still.”

u_u

back to the times

I'm actually waiting for you, wherever you are silly boy, cos' I know deep down that once we get there It'll be worth all the way, all the tears, all the madness, and so I shall be there. Waiting, hoping, wishing. I have so many things to tell you and show you I wonder if we'll have time. C u soon. xxx.

Aca llueve y el piso refleja como siempre, el cielo está gris de tanto llorar y promete muchas más lágrimas, el sonido de las gotas al caer sigue igual de apasible, igual de arrebatador, tranquilizante. Y la ciudad se mueve, y el mundo gira, y me faltás. Me faltás vos. Para sentarme al lado tuyo, para sentir tu perfume cosito mío, para acostarme en tu regazo. Te extraño tanto, tanto tanto que duele. Tengo mucho para contarte, mucho para abrazarte, mucho para que me abrazes fuerte, necesito que me digas Fuck It Rom! Fuck it! Y puedo decirmelo a mi misma pero no quiero eso, porque te necesito a vos, ahora, aca, conmigo. Llevo tu fantasma conmigo a todas partes.

it.

MINDFUCKED

I miss the touch of your hand in mine, and the trembling, the shaking of my voice with yours, I miss the ever so slidely caress of your lips on our imaginary kisses but most of all I miss me once more. Like that other time, when the sun seemed brighther, not so heavy, not so hard on us, I miss my laughing, I miss me when I was with u, I talked with u in my head al the time. I miss me, most definitely because I like me better when on those times.

We stop searching for monsters when we realized they were inside of us.

xxx

Rom.

Brick by Brick

The weight of my words
Are like feathers from a bird
My mouth, it moves but you won’t hear a thing
Cause I’ve dug myself deep
I managed to fit both my hands and feet
All my little white lies
Smell like a big old bucket of bleach

In one ear
And out your other
So lock and key
You won’t open up for me

So brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I’m not giving up
I’m not giving giving up

I guess
And it feels like you’re in China
And I am in Peru
When ever I am sleeping next to you
We can hear the crickets singing
Oh all throughout the night
OH boy can we just get used
To something so right?

And sure I confess
I’m a mess
I’m a mess of mistakes
But please count to ten
Before you go and throw it all away

So brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I’m not giving up
I’m not giving giving up
On on on us

Cause if you give up
Then what am I supposed to do
All these dreams
Never will come true
Without you

Brick by brick
I am breaking through these walls
Oh between you and me
I’m not giving up
I’m not giving giving up

Oh baby don’t give up
On this love
Don’t give up
On this love

u_u