FAT WORTH NOTHING

When I was young my parents laughed at me cos' I was too skinny they call me names and they found it funny, I cried everytime and got mad but they thought it was cute. Nobody tells you that they are playing games, they laugh but u don't see the semantics in it. So I started eating more, more than necessary and at the same time my alergies came along and I was given stupid drugs that kept me from losing my breath till actually killing me. It was necessary, I get it. But I hate myself so much. I'm now over 25kg over my weight and I hate everything about me. I'm a fashion freak and it's so hard not to fit, not to be able to wear sth u love. I wonder how we got to this. I remember losing weight before but I'm not getting any younger and it gets harder. My parents don't really support me. They don't even know how fucked up I am. I'll do anything to lose weight. And I mean anything. Now mom is home all the time and I cannot really skip meals or play full w/pills or sleep my hanger away. But I know I'll do it. And gosh I don't know why I'm typing this in here, guess I need a sort of... I told u so statement, in case I ever slipped and nobody understands whot happened. So, this is whot happened: I hate myself. I've hate myself for ever. Because ppl laughed at me, that boy and that girl, because of the pointing because of the making me believe that as I was a brunnette I was never gonna be enough. Well, this is what happens when you bully someone. I've been broken for so long I really have little hopes of overcoming anything at the fuck all. I only have now moments of enlightment when I realize that I'm stupid for thinking this, but can't help it.

Sorry.