la amistad es el limbo de los feos.

We are never gonna be as young as we are tonight

never again.

ready to come

I've came to realize so much that my hearts fails to comprehend whether this can be real or not, I cannot understand the whys and the hows but they are there and even If I try not to see then, I come across them so easily. I can't understand, what when wrong, how can things be like this. I see the fall and the path, is right there, it's me that does not want to turn back and look at it. Because I cannot understand how can anyone say such things, act in such manner, I only trust God will make it right, I won't fight back, I never tried to. I've learnt so much about myself that I know understand what they mean when they talk about loving you, for you. I don't love me, I still don't, is hard for me to shake the shades and the layers, It'll take time, commitment, faith. I feel the whole world is pushing me to the edge, just to see me get strong. I won't do this again, I won't hear myself fall. I did it before, I was alone. But now, now I'm not. I'll allow myself to be loved, to be cared, I'll let them in and even if I feel shy, blushed, red. I will do it. I see my friend missing his father, ppl that I love dieing and I see then I should hold on tight and feel proud. Get myself out there and just shine. I can be a firework. I WILL BE a firework. For me, for him, for her. For everyone. Even if this heart hurts so bad, even If I feel my chess sinking, I will face it with a grint. Show must go on, right? I'm sorry I can't be perfect, but I won't allow myself be sorry for been me. I meant no harm, I had no cruel intentions, I'm whotever ppl say, I can take it, I can put up w/this pain. Because I can love. Been adopted does not make me any sorry little bastard, there's no such thing, it makes me blessed, kissed by angel's lips prolly, I've never hide it, I will never do that. I know I cannot go back to the beggining, but I also know that I can always go back home, home in my job, home in my friends, home in my MOM's arms, in my father's smile and the ppl's that I love laughter. I cherish everything I got. I miss the little things, but I will never let go on what matters. P/S: don't let the shadow spoil the view of what's around you.

xxx

Rom.

exercise

at some dark place in my head, beneath the waves of sound and memories, images and songs, feelings and experiences, lies the truth that I'm so scared to see maybe I should take a look, try to stare for a moment let this rythm cave in and pull at random sth out, or leave it open for seconds and just stop my fingers from censorship. I might need to get pills, alcohol, life, I think I need to let myself go. Birds, butterflies, garden green grass, drugs, my baby, mountains, life, my cousings, him, hands, bed birds, music, head, headache, strong, my uncle, my mom, my uncle, you got to be the best, challenge yourself, ugly, fat, retard... *closing again*

you make it easier when life gets hard

7 seconds away

We are one week away, 7 days away from the end of this period and I can tell I seen a side of my yet unknown, a savage, natural, animal side, yet not tammed, yet not socially capable that is a part of me. I've met myself unlike any other year. And I'm happy about it. I now Know what I like, what I don't, I know that as much as I thought I knew myself, I don't. That as much as I thought I was defined, I'm not. I look in desperate at times, fragile... but real. I'm real for ones. I can face my monsters and I can take a run if I want to. I know now that I'm one step closer to the truth, and eventhough it was always staring at my face, I know understand things differently, I know what I love, how I love and what I can offer. Good or bad, I'm not a product, I'm me. I deserve to be loved for me. I will then carry my weight, carry my choices like an old ball and chain and walk proud, because I'm capable. I have to show what I'm able to give, how bright I can glow. I'm my own story.

xxx

Rom.